Issues of Survival

One of the most difficult things to talk about in our society is the issue of child sexual abuse. By the age of 16, some research reports, 1 in 4 females and 1 in 6 males have been sexually abused. There are many organizations which have focused on advocacy and prevention over the last two decades and thankfully public dialogue about the issue has increased. While more public attention has been given to the subject many who have been abused as children find it difficult to reach out for help in their recovery and seek the help which is now available.

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Sexual abuse can include both physical and nonphysical acts with situations ranging from physical molestation and rape to someone showing child pornography, talking inappropriately to a child or making a child watch some type of sexual activity. Official government, medical and CDC statistics indicate the rates of child abuse. The problem is these numbers are often much lower than what actually occurs. Sexual abuse rarely leaves marks visible to those around the child and it is because of this most cases of child abuse go unreported or are not prosecuted. Children who are sexually abused often suffer from intense feeling of shame as well as fear of their perpetrator and terror about how people will respond.

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A myth surrounding child sexual abuse is sexual perpetration is always committed by a stranger. What we know, however that 95-96% of sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows well and 90% of sexual abuse is committed by family/step family members. Sexual offenders are often not monsters, like we would all like to think. In fact, they tend to get along well with children, be socially adept and appear fairly average, blending in with most of society. Most sexual perpetrators are very skilled at manipulating and instilling fear, self-blame and shame in their victims.

One reason people are afraid to disclose their experience is because many people believe someone who has been sexually abused will abuse others – a myth unsupported by the research. Another reason people struggle with talking about their experience is due to intense guilt related to what they may have experienced in their bodies during the abuse. The reality is there are times when the body will respond, even when the experience is unwanted or even horrifying. Knowing this can be an avenue to recovery for those entering into therapy.

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A factor which greatly impacts how someone recovers is how those around them respond when the information is disclosed. When someone discloses their abuse it is important that they be believed and feel like they can talk about what has happened without judgment. One factor helping children talk about and disclose their abuse is to know how to talk about. It is often helpful to educate children and adolescents about communication and sexuality in early childhood. What we know is that in sex positive societies – societies where there are many positive beliefs about sexuality – they have less sexual violence, including child abuse.

The results of child sexual abuse can impact someone in many different ways. The abuse of trust and the destruction of boundaries often make it difficult for someone to connect with others in a relationship, trust intimately and can also be a barrier to sexual connection. Many children blame themselves and make assumptions about who they are and their value, core beliefs which can be carried into adulthood. Additionally, individuals who are survivors of abuse may feel disconnected from their own bodies and struggle with identifying, experiencing and understanding their emotions. The experience of emotions may be overwhelming, causing intense fear and anxiety which can not only impact relationships, but how someone feels.

As a survivor it is important to know there is help and a way to recover from sexual abuse. As a society the answer for addressing child sexual abuse is through greater sexual education and communication. As individuals the answer is to be open, belief it can happen to anyone and report if we believe something is inappropriate.

About the Author

Tushar Virani