Long Dry Spell

What do you do when you find yourself in a situation between romantic (or hot sexy) encounters? This is not an infrequent situation for most people. It is a normal part of life for there to be extended periods of time without sex with a partner. Whether it is because someone is single, their partner is going through a low libido phase or the person is choosing to be abstinent for personal or spiritual reasons it is important not to abandon your sexual self altogether or go to a negative avoidant place.

Long Dry Spell

I work with individuals frequently who are going through long dry seasons for one reason or another. There is usually a huge difference related to how someone handles the situation whether the period of abstinence is due to their choice or that of a partner. Sometimes individuals go through a panic when a partner enters a period of low libido. Individuals go through low libido phases for various reasons, most commonly from medical related issues (like heart disease), menopause, or low self worth. Almost everyone, if not everyone, will go through a period of low libido and abstinence at one or more times in their life. This does not always mean something is wrong with the individual or their partner. Although this is the case, the partner typically starts to panic because the first place most people go when their partner becomes less sexually active is that something is wrong with their sex life or their partner has found someone else. Though these can both happen, most frequently the reason is legit and needs to be discussed openly and honestly.

Gender Therapist Online

So what is the plan when you find yourself in a long dry spill? The first thing is to examine your initial reactions to this experience. How do you feel? If it is a partner driven abstinence, does it cause you to doubt yourself or the relationship? What are the reactions emotional and physically as the abstinence continues? Do you start looking around for others? Do you find yourself less or more sexual? These are important questions because they can lead to personal and emotional growth. Often personal growth can happen better and faster when not confused by sexual distractions which can sap the motivation for change. Sexual needs and satisfaction are so strong they often interfere when trying to look inward so being outside of a sexual relationship can open the door for change.

One important area which is a no-brainer when going through a long dry season is a focus on masturbation and becoming aware of one's own sexual needs. It is essential in a relationship to know what you like as well as what pleases your partner. So having an identified period of time you designate to explore your own pleasure needs can be a productive and frankly, fun way to spend you new found time.

Gender Therapist

Another important focus can be on one's own sexual interests. Unlike with masturbation where the focus is on what feels good, it is often important to explore what can be exciting or arousing. In other words, not being in an active sexual relationship can be the perfect time to search the internet, bookstores or various other resources for that next exciting sexual focus. Take the time to buy the vibrator you heard about on Sex and the City or get the book of erotica you have secretly had your eye on.

A final suggestion would be to avoid absorbing society's perceptions which permeate our culture. It is not the end of the world if your relationship is absent of sex or if you are single. Most people could use some time by themselves to discover who and what their true needs are. Our society has created this belief we must be with someone and having sex all of the time to be happy. This isn't true and I find the opposite to be more often true. Learning to be you and be with yourself is one of the greatest and healthiest experiences someone can have.

About the Author

Tushar Virani